we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We're too hungover to prance.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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