So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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