HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
