tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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