all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
