i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
