the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Randomize
