I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
