There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
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