I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
