Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
