just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
