I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Randomize
