My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
