AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
