Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
