Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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