We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Randomize
