I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
