There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Randomize
