:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
