I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
