bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
