As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
