his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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