He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
