We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Randomize
