isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
