So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Randomize
