No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
