Betty ford says i'm here all night
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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