I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
