my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
