absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
