We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
