I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
