why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
