you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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