A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
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