found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
