I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
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