Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
