i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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