Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
