Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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