3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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