The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
