living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
