also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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