I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
