We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
