I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
