I think my vagina is haunted
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
