He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
