I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
