I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
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