I am puke
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
